THE LOS ANGELES TIMES
DON’T BE CRUEL (OP-ED 9/23/02)
Give Elvis a break–all those impersonators make him look bad.

HOW TO CLEAR HOT AIR ON IMMIGRATION (OP-ED 8/09/1996)
A novel solution to end illegal immigration would force countries of origin to replace any oxygen the undocumented use.

ONE IMMIGRANT, HOLD THE FRIES (OP-ED 5/10/1996)
Reporters pursuing a story sometimes fail to see the individual behind the role.

OFFBEAT
SATAN’S SPAWN (02/25/00)
The Church of the Mighty Lamb website sees Satan in Star Trek–but we can't find Gilford AZ, homoe of Mighty Lamb headquarters.

DEATH ON THE MENU (2/25/00)
The State of Texas has short-circuited death penalty due process but does take the time on the state website to detail last-meal requests by the soon-to-be-executed.

ST. PADDY’S DAY HI-JINKS (3/10/00)
Burning Angela’s Ashes; Sinead gets Shane busted–must be that time of year.

POLICE SCIENCE (8/20/99)
Pepper spray won’t work on Mexicans because of high-chili intake, plus other specious theories.

THEN THIS PRIEST SAYS...(6/18/99)
The Catholic League is fed-up with jokes at Catholics’ expense–this means you, Bart!